Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
