Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
