its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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