today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
