god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize