Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
