his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
A+ Viking dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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