The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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