I am in a vortex of obligation.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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