Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
