this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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