And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
