I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
