that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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