Ambien. No doubt about it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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