One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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