She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
