I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
