I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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