I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
