are you still at the devil's house?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
