Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
