shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
