I faked an abortion last night.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
