apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
