I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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