To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
