I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
