and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
MIDGETS
????
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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