shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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