you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.