I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
