So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
