This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
