he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize