at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
either way he was missing a nipple.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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