I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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