If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
