please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
COCAINE IS GR8
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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