The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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