....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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