so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
