I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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