The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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