these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
