I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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