allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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