woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
