if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
