Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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