Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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