Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
