He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
