maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
