It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
