they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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