walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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