SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
