I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
tell me about the fingering
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