I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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