Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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