he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
