I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
