We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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