She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
