She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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